‘No-one seems accountable.’

Discovering parentification #2

The project is late. Every week of delay costs tens of thousands.

The director says, ‘People say they have it in hand, tell me to leave them alone. They can’t see how they are making the whole thing late.

‘It’s like an anchor dragging on us.’

It sounds like parentification: the blurring of roles and responsibilities, stepping on toes, gaps that no-one sees until too late.

The team shows us how it is. High tension, crossed arms, ‘too much finger-pointing’ (their words). They talk on and on; there seem to be no boundaries with time.

Hours late we begin the exploration. ‘We don’t do emotion, Lycia.’ To me, they fluoresce with it.

I feel each creak, each effortful turn of the handle, the gaps between us.

How is ‘accountable’ possible here?

On day two we invite more honesty. One says I interrupted him. ‘Yes, I did that. I’m sorry.’

I let go my precarious hold on impeccable consultancy, become more myself. I speak of the conflicts in me, the buttons pushed. It’s not what they expect. They lean in.

I talk about what we see, the sense we make of it, what we think is getting in their way.

And so together we find a different path, partners cutting through the undergrowth.

We describe a pattern. They fill boards with how it shows for them, how it helps, how it hinders. They know it well. We bring a better explanation, one that explains all the data.

They are excited, can see ways out of the cycle, already in motion.

Weeks later, the director: ‘I was cross with myself; I’m normally so good at seeing the whole arena.’ Ah yes, the power of the pattern. It takes even the best of us.

They are close to completion, the handover. What if they included their learning about culture, their habits, this work we do together? What if it’s part of what you hand over?

‘Yes! Or we’ll create the same issues again!’